My anniversary is tomorrow (10/9) and I totally forgot about it.  I haven't gotten Scott anything.  I know, I'm a horrible wife...but to my defense, I never see him anymore.  He has school, and I have work, and we both have the kids...and our schedules are completely out of wack.  He usually ends up getting home after I'm already asleep, so he sleeps in the guestroom so he doesn't have to wake me.  If I saw him more I probably would have remembered.  In any case, I'll have some shopping to do in the morning.

On a related note, I might as well be invisible girl...

I'm that transparent, apparently.   Why have three people told me I need sex today?  Is it really that obvious?  D, my aunt, and my mom...all on separate occasions with no prior interaction with each other...have told me I need to get some, right now.  According to Angie I always cross my legs, shake my foot, and alternate between twirling my hair and biting my thumb when I'm frustrated...sexually or otherwise.  Great.  Thanks Captain Observant.


In other news...

I caught the 2nd episode of Nigella Lawson's new show on Food Network.  Damn that woman is sexy.  She's messy and she likes to lick things off of spoons and her fingers.  That is unbelievably hot.  She made some kind of brownie and I immediately felt the urge to lick chocolate off someone...so I called Ryan and she gladly agreed to participate.  We had fun, as we always do (and I managed to avoid getting a mouthful of boob juice, bonus!  Trust me it's hard to do, that woman leaks like a damn faucet).  The downside is I can't get rid of her...she's got that big rock of a head crushing one of my down pillows as I type.  James is in the work-a-holic club too, so she never sees him either.  She's a lot more bothered by his absence than I am by Scott's.  Maybe I'm just a loner at heart.  Of course I'd love for him to be home more, but I'm not losing sleep over it like she is.

Enough about that...

Brody-James will soon be undergoing a name change.  No, not her first name.  Ry has decided that her middle name needs to go.   She doesn't like Kaila...so it will now be changed to Inara or Ilyria.  She's more geek than I (but if you don't get those references, you're obviously not).  My vote is on Inara, but we'll see.

Well, I'm off to bed.  I have an early day of shopping tomorrow...and hopefully it will end with copious amounts of sex.

Yes, my anniversary was horrible, and I'm pretty much ignoring Scott because it's all his fault.  Here I was feeling guilty because I forgot about it until the last minute.  I spent hours digging through record stores to find the perfect gift for him.  I finally found a pretty rare Replacements album I know he loves, so that's what I got him.  Did I get anything even remotely throughtful?  Hell no.

First of all, I didn't see him all day.  Finally, around 5 he shows up and takes me to an early dinner.  I have no complaints there, it was one of our favorite restaurants...but I felt like he was in a hurry to get elsewhere.  We're normally very at ease with each other, and when we're out together we almost always talk and laugh the whole time.  This time there was just an awkward silence that we occasionally broke with useless small talk.  I actually saw him check his watch a few times.  

Finally he just hands me a jewelry box with a bow on it.  I should have known it would be all down hill from there, but I was holding on to the hope that it wouldn't be generic.  I was wrong...it turned out to be an extremely expensive, but very completely thoughtless bracelet.  I can't even begin to tell you how pissed I was (and still am). 

Scott has had a lifetime to learn everything there is to know about me.  He has never been one for grand romantic gestures (I've had that same lifetime to learn all there is to know about him), but up until now he has always known what would mean the most to me.  He could have gotten me an original Mommie Dearest movie poster and I would have been the happiest woman alive. 

I have never doubted the fact that he loves me...but a girl just likes to hear it and see it every now and then.  I know he's busy with school and that's important to him...but his family should be important to him too.   I don't expect him to be at my beck and call 24/7 (that would probably drive me crazy), but I do expect at least a fraction of his time.  Not only did he give me a shoddy gift, he didn't even bother to stick around after dinner.

Something has to give here, and it has to give fast or we're going to have some major issues. 

Once again, James has put himself in the dog house.

Ryan is home with the kids all day.  James generally leaves for work at 7:00 am and doesn't get home until around 7:00 pm or sometimes later (he's supposed to get off at 5:00).   She has a 3 month old she's still nursing.  Nursing is the equivalent of having your life force sucked out through your boobs.  On top of that she has a very active toddler to run around behind.  Needless to say, she's completely drained and exhausted by the time he comes home.  Their arrangement is that when he gets home he has enough time to shower, change, and grab something to eat...but after that he is responsible for the kids so she can get some much needed rest.

Yesterday he worked late so he was tired and cranky, and she was of course tired and cranky.  To James credit, he is a good father...he loves his kids and he generally doesn't try to shuck his responsibilities.  But yesterday he made the grave mistake of complaining about having to take care of them after such a long day.  He felt like Ryan should have given him a day off...and the icing on the cake of his idiotic behavior?  He told her it "shouldn't be a problem because she sits around at home all day".  *add record scratch here*

I'm inevitably going to have to listen to him whine about how she's being unfair.  She doesn't get a day off ever, so why does he feel like he should have one?  James, sweetie, I understand you're bringing home the bacon so to speak, but that doesn't make your time or your work anymore valuable than hers.  Lest we not forget that he has told her he doesn't want his children to grow up seeing a babysitter more than their parents.  Ry wanted to teach a hip hop class at my dance school and he told her she can do what she wants, but he would really like her to stay home until the kids enter school. 

So understandably, she went off on him...and now my "My Husband's an Asshole" club has two memebers.  I don't think I've seen her this hurt
by something he did since she had the miscarriage. So today we decided to take our anger out on their credit cards.

Let me just put it out there...I'm never going to the mall with her again.  It's like shopping with a damn rock star.  There she is with one kid on her hip, one attached to her breast, and a massive rock on her left ring finger...every sign that she is unavailable, but nobody seemed to be phased.  She literally got hit on by at least one person in every store we went in...men, women, 10 year old boys, old people...doesn't matter, they all want to get in her pants.  No wonder she's so annoyingly full of herself.  A chick could develop a complex hanging around her.

So here we are with our fashion cravings satified, but the lingering ache of penis withdrawal (no pun inteneded, but ha, it is pretty funny) still remains.  As much fun as we have together, there are certain urges another woman just can't satisfy (no matter how many fancy toys she has). 

Scott and James better get it together soon and do some major grovelling...there's some phenomenal make up sex waiting in the wings.

Remember a couple of entries back, when I told you how sucky my anniversary was?  Scott finally saw what an ass he had been and tried to redeem himself...by being more of an ass.

I really hadn't said more than three words to him since the 9th.  So earlier this week he woke me up at 3am by literally dragging me out of the bed, throwing me in the car, and driving me out in the middle of nowhere to a botanical garden.

Did I mention it was freezing cold?  I was in bed, so all I had on was a thin little Agent Provocateur shirt and panties...and all my dear husband thought to grab for me was a pair of low rise jeans and some socks.  No coat, no shoes, no gloves, no hat.  

So I'm standing in the middle of a damn botanical garden half asleep and freezing my ass off at 3am...and then I realize there's someone else standing out there with us, and my idiot husband is dragging me down a candlelit path toward them.  After what seemed like a mile we finally get to the end and Scott grabs my hips and drops to his knees in front of me.  Then he apologized profusely for being such an ass on our anniversary, and he promised to stop focusing on school so much that he neglects his family (I'm so happy it will all be over in December)...then he begged me to marry him right then and there (that's what the other dude was there for).

Of course I said yes...and my sex draught is now over.

 
Last week on the epic tale of Ryan and James...

I don't know how he did it, but James got himself out of the dog house and back into his wife's panties.  Must have been a damn good apology though, because when I called her the next day they were well on their way to breaking the bed...but they ended up breaking other stuff instead.

Yesterday she called me and I could hear the pain in her voice (I've been around while she was in labor twice, there's a definite change in tone). The conversation went something like this...

Ryan:  hey hon, it's me, are you busy? 

Me:...no, and what's wrong?

Ryan: well, we kind of need a favor

Me: we?

Ryan:  yeah, me and James

Me: what kind of favor?

Ryan: will you drive us to the hospital?

Me: of course I will.  what happened? did you get food poisioning again?

Ryan: no, it's not that...we, umm...well...

Me: dude, spit it out!

Ryan: ok! wehurtourselveshavingsexandwecantmove

Me (trying hard not to laugh): you...what?  

Ryan:  James thinks he pulled something, and I definitely felt something pop...hurts like hell too.

Me: hahahahahaha! I'll...hahahahahaha!...be there...hahahahahaha...10 minutes.

I had the pleasure of sitting in the emergency room with them for hours...but listening to them try and explain what happened to the doctor made it all worth it.  Even he was trying not to laugh.  Before I get labeled a horrible friend...they're both fine, nothing major.  James has a pulled groin muscle and Ryan has a minor pelvic fracture.  It's probably for the best.  Now they have to keep their hands off each other.  They were well on their way to getting pregnant again before Brody's first birthday.

Since the 'rents need to stay off their feet, Asha is here with us (BJ can't run away yet, so she's in bed with them).  She's having a ball destroying my house with J and Caden right now.  Maybe I should go see what they're doing...they're laughing like maniacs.